Is relationship satisfaction related to differences between what people think love is and what they are experiencing?

We asked people:

How satisfied are you with your relationship?

39 people said they are Totally Satisfied (18% of respondents)

88 people said they are Very Satisfied (41% of respondents)

47 people said they are Moderately Satisfied (22% of respondents)

22 people said they are Minimally Satisfied (10% of respondents)

21 people said they are Not Satisfied (10% of respondents)

Then we calculated the difference between what people think love is and what they are experiencing by subracting the experience score from the concept score for each of the dimensions and for the total score.

• Total Difference score = Total Concept Score - Total Experience Score
• Passion Difference score = Passion Concept Score - Passion Experience Score
• Intimacy Difference score = Intimacy Concept Score - Intimacy Experience Score
• Commitment Difference score = Commitment Concept Score - Commitment Experience Score

OK, so what do these difference scores mean?

• Negative difference scores means that people scored higher on the experience version than on the concept version. This means that they report experiencing more love than what they reported that they think love should be. Negative difference scores mean that people are getting more than they they actually need.
• Scores around zero would mean that people's experience of love is similar to what they think love should be. Scores aroud zero would mean that people are getting what they expect.
• Higher scores would mean more discrepancies between what people think love is and what they are experiencing. This means that people are not getting what they think love should be. High scores would mean that people are not getting what they think they should be getting.

Then we looked at the difference scores at each level of relationship satisfaction.

In the chart above, the colored bars represent the average differences between what people think love is and what they say they are experiencing for each level of satisfaction with the relationship. In general, people who report being less satisfied with their relationship had more discrepancies between how they scored on the concept version of the Love Test and how they scored on the experience version of the Love Test. People who said that they were Very Satisfied or Totally Satisfied said they are experiencing more passion, more commitment, more total love and slightly less emotional intimacy that what they though love should be. People who said that they were Moderately Satisfied, Minimally Satisfied and Not Satisfied said they are experiencing less passion, less commitment, less total love and less emotional intimacy that what they though love should be. The magnitude of the discrepancy inceased as satisfaction level decreased.

In the chart above, 50% of Love Test taker's difference scores fell between the ends of the black bars. In general, for those who were more satisfied with their relationships, there was less spread in the difference scores.

Return to the Love Test Findings Page.

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